


Hardfaced Queens and Muted Angels

by AnnaCipactli12



Series: No Fate [4]
Category: Terminator - All Media Types, Terminator Genisys (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4812824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaCipactli12/pseuds/AnnaCipactli12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place a year after Dreaming under the dark sun. An look at the women behind the Resistance. (Two-shot) Part 4 in my No Fate Series.<br/>Songs: People, Help the people by Birdy and Lion's Roar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hardfaced Queens

**_ _ **

****_"God knows what is hiding_  
in those weak and drunken hearts?  
Guess he kissed the girls  
who made him go quiet  
Those hard faced queens of misadventure  
God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken eyes?  
Fiery thrones of muted angels  
giving love but getting nothing back." ~People, Help the People by Birdy

**_"Allow me to share some womanly wisdom: The more people you love the WEAKER you are ... Love is a poison, a sweet poison but a poison nonetheless." ~Cersei Lannister_ **

When I was very little I used to have nightmares. A man would walk into my bedroom and tell me horrible things. He would tell me that the end was coming and only I could stop it. When I woke up, my daddy would be there and you must understand that this is before the machines entered our lives so he was still my daddy. The man who would rock me to sleep, and sing to me and even let my mom sing (despite how awful she sounded) and he would tell me "Hush little one, do not cry because no one is going to come after you."

There was always subtlety in my father's voice. He didn't speak like a man from a twenty first century post-apocalyptic setting, but like somebody from a time long flown by.

I always miss those moments and told myself after he died, that he wouldn't want me to be sad. But the father that raised me was also the same man who tried to kill me because of some stupid prophecy, and that is something that I can never forgive.

Marcus caresses my cheek and asks me what is wrong? It's the first time we've kissed and he's nervous. Will people think he is more of a man now that he's kissed a girl –and not just any girl, but the girl who everyone made bets to see who would get first under her pants (honestly, the way guys are today is just disgusting; John would be amused if he heard me speak these thoughts aloud)- and that girl kissed him back and asked him for his phone number?

"Will you be mine for Valentine?" He asked me the following day. I am so nervous to say "yes". I like Marcus, he's cute but he is not my type. He is just, well –he is not what I expect in someone and I am too close to John and Jacob (and now Kate) to be invested in an emotional relationship. Besides, being sister to the future savior of mankind, I can't risk getting him imposed.

I shake my head vigorously and before I can reply to him, his dad comes to get him. "Marcus! I told you to call me when you get out of school. Your mum and I aren't paying twelve hundred a year for you to be sneaking off like that."

He sighed. "I know dad, you told me a million times but I did nothing wrong … this times" he adds then turns to me, suddenly aware that I am standing there next to him! "Dad this is Janey, she was at the party last night. She kissed me."

I roll my eyes. Really?

"I know who she is. Marcus, let's go." He says grabbing his arm. I can still hear them from the school's gates as Marcus senior walks his son to his car. "I told you not to associate yourself to that girl. What the hell are you thinking?"

"Dad, it's okay. She's not like her parents and who knows? Maybe her new dad will give me a discount-"

I have heard enough. I run back to the library where my study group is waiting for me.

I wish I could have told Jane the truth. I did not want to sound like a douche to my dad, I don't know how but there is always this feeling in the back of my mind that I have been here before, that somehow she and I are meant to be.

Dad tells me not to be stupid, that a girl like that will never listen to me and that it is better I keep it that way. Buried old memories take hold of him again, and he tells me what I am not supposed to do. "You are too important to your mother and me Marcus. We named you after me just so we could show you off to fate and spit at her, and say we are not going to let you bully us any longer. You must be more careful."

"I know that dad!" I say, coming out harsher than I intended. Don't I know it? They have been talking about this shit since I was born. "But Jane is not like the others. She is different!"

"Oh so it is Janey now? You two already started with the nicknames. Let me tell you something that I learned from my other past lives and it is this Marcus: John Connor always lives and your mother and I die. I give my life for him and he sends your mother to die. He is not a good man and I wouldn't put it past him to put those brats in that school so he could get close to us." Seeing my angry face, he added "You may think us crazy, but one day you'll thank us." We step out of the car and walk to the house. Most of the buildings in this sector are old and that is why my parents like it, because it reminds them of the past, a past that they will die to preserve. "Do not tell your mother of this. God knows she has enough to worry about it."

Don't I know it? Mom is getting old and most women her age wouldn't risk their lives for another pregnancy when they've had a history of miscarriages and still-bornns. But mom is a fighter, and as a former Navy SEAL, she doesn't know the meaning of the word 'surrender'.

"Hey," he grabs my shoulder. "I mean it."

I nod and follow dad into the living room where mom is waiting for us, showing us the same kind smile that she always reserved for us.

* * *

 

Kate finds me in the library. She shows me the latest magazine with John's face on it. "Congrats to John. He must be very happy to be everyone's new poster boy." I say with a wry expression.

"What's wrong? You're never this grim, not that I can't take you on but John and I are planning a vacation for you two this fall so you better behave, lest I let a slip of tongue that you were sass-mouthing again."

I hate it when Kate is talking like this because she is right. "I just want him to like me Kate. He keeps going on with his dad how he doesn't want to see me but he keeps calling my cell and leaving me text messages. I don't know what to do."

"Well sweetheart, that's the first rule of falling in love with a difficult man, always leave them hanging until they come crawling to you."

"But I don't want Marcus and he doesn't even want me … I mean, I am not meant to have him so why bother, if John is going to end most of mankind to leave the best of it in charge, then It's no use, is it?" I ask, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

Kate tips my chin. "You are Jane Reese-Connor. You shouldn't care what your big brother has to say –if it is meant to be, it will happen."

"But what about John?" I ask, worried that she will tell John. "He is going to go ballistic if he finds where I was last night."

"Leave John to me, you just worry about catching your man and make sure he looks presentable when John meets him."

"And doesn't put a bullet in his head." I say and Kate grumbles something about us Connor and our twisted sense of humor.

When we get home, Jacob is already there. I smile as I watch Kate join them. My brother can be so naïve when it comes to the human race, but he has been forced to grow up so quickly so I let a lot of what he says slide. But when I look at him, smiling, prowling over John's work-space and dangling from Kate's arms, I think back at my dreams –the ones I had before John took us in.

I go to my room and throw my backpack on the carpeted floor. I pick up a photo I hid underneath my pillow, it's of my parents before my dad went crazy _. There's me, Jacob, mom, pops and dad._  And in the middle was a shadow that dad thought at the time was just a glitch from the camera, even Pops agreed with him and the two hardly agreed on everything but I knew better. My desire to have John as a part of our lives was so strong that I invited him to the family photo and asked him (no, begged him) to be there for us.

_He never fails_. I sigh. Someday I was going to get my family back. Someday I was going to right all the wrongs that my dad did, and I was going to make the world a better place.

I look up and see John standing in my doorway. I give him a half smile. I am not in the mood to talk. I am still having trouble getting used to all of this. I don't want to disappoint him, but I don't want to be his angel of death either.

(Ugh. Why does everything have to be so hard?)

He chuckles and sits next to me, swinging his arm around me. "Kate told me about your little tryst yesterday."

"What?" I ask, alarmed. Oh God please no,

"It's ok, you do not have to worry about me, but –"

"Why didn't I mention it earlier instead of barging in your room uninvited and coming very close to hearing you give me another sermon?"

"Yeah and I don't give sermons."

"You do. Jacob's getting pretty weary of them, so am I."

I roll my eyes and hit his shoulder playfully. "Ass." Brothers could be such idiots sometimes. "He is nobody and I overheard him tell his dad that he just kissed me because of a stupid bet."

"Oh." He said raising his eyebrow. "Who is this boy again so I might visit him."

"John!"

"I am just joking. You know I would never do that." Yeah, right. I think looking at him skeptically.

"I just wanted him to like me. I wasn't even supposed to kiss him. They picked somebody else for me but I chose him." I tell him.

"Well, then why don't you invite his folks to dinner? Get to know him, better yet, I will get to know him before I make my final decision." He says and I can only nod. John always has his way of getting what he wants –just as I do. And maybe he is right. Maybe I am being stupid fretting over nothing.

**~o~**

He rejects my invitation and I don't know if I made him angry or said something that displeased him because he avoids me at every turn! I want to punch and scream and ask him what the hell was his problem.

But I choose to ignore him stead and not give in to my emotions as Pops taught me. I take my science equipment and dissect the frog. My brother Jacob was put in the advance class with me after pressure from John. He helps me identify the different organs and veins and classify them on the paper chart Dr. Jacbos gives us. When we are done, I hand over our assignment to him then turn my head after I hear someone whispering my name.

"Hey, you are Jane right?"

"Yeah, who's asking?" I say not totally interested in what this empty-headed girl had to tell me.

"Listen, me and the rest of the girls were very impressed with your um … how should we delicately put it, performance, I guess, so we want to chat over your sense of style?"

"My sense of what?" What the hell?

(Chuckles) "You know. How you got Marcus wrapped around your little finger?"

What the hell? Is this girl for real? "Listen I-"

"Don't waste your breath, all the school's been talking. You are the new crazy. See you on lunch, we saved a spot for you." She and her other band of empty-headed girls walk out of the classroom.

I find them seated at the center of the cafeteria, leaving a huge space open for me. "You came! Betts here was betting you'd not." She says running her fingers through her long red hair. It reminds me a bit of Kate's. "So, what's your secret, hun? Black magic?" The girls laugh.

I shake my head. "What can I say? I think some guys are just idiots that they will take anyone." I say and say it with such a tone that I mean it.

The girls laugh harder. "You have a wicked sense of humor sweet cheeks. I guess we can consider you. Don't we girls?" They nod their heads like perfect drones, following everything their mistress says.

"So what do you say sweet cheeks?" She asks and waves at the jocks to come sit with us. "Janey here was telling us her secret of winning your star player over, weren't you sweet cheeks?"

I open my mouth but no sound comes. Marcus doesn't even want to look at me. He turns his head, angry.

"Don't mind him." One of the girls tells me. She introduces herself as Charlene and says the head girl is Rachel. "He is like that to every girl. They keep a book of points you know. You were over thirty points."

"What? For what?"

"Well duh silly, for scoring the one night."

"But we didn't … I mean we only-"

She laughs. "Of course you didn't, every kid in the school would be dying to go out with you if you had. Or kill your rep." She tells me. "But really, how did you do it?"

"I did not do anything special, I just picked him at random." And it is the truth. I did not want Daniel Meyers to kiss me, so I picked the guy closest to him.

"Well … whatever it is, you really have good taste in me. When it's your twelfth birthday?" Rachel asks me, her boyfriend has his arm around her.

Was this how all rich girls behaved at this school? I did not want to think of Marcus' warm linked around mine or around me. The thought seems so repulsive to me.

"Next year." I respond.

"Not long. Tell you what sweet cheeks, we will keep you here if you promise to keep yourself off those nerdy ones." She points to the kids sitting behind me. They had asked me to join their club and I outright refused them, not wanting to be part of any club, especially one that got beat up constantly (and that John loved reminded me was the kind that he picked on when he was my age).

"I won't." I say truthfully. "But can I ask, why me?"

"You are Connor's foster kid, and despite your low pedigree; your new dad is a celebrity and just so happens to be on the cover of TIME magazine. You will have everyone eating from your fingers in no time, so we want you to associate with the right crew (which just so happens it's us!)"

"Gee … Thanks, I guess." I say, not sure what to think. This whole thing has been very confusing and not long after the bell rings and I go back to class, Rachel accompanies me and so do her other friends who have third period with me, and start speaking of the most boring things.

So this is how it starts. My path to greatness with the most idiotic people in the planet. No wonder John wanted to end this pathetic excuse for a race.

* * *

 

I come face to face with John Connor. And let's say it's not the best experience I've had and I have seen my mom mad, and this beats it by far! "Mr. Connor. Sir! Um … you looking for Jane? She is not here, you should try Charlene's house. I heard she went there after the Ballet recital."

"I am not looking for Jane, Marcus. I am looking for you." He said, emphasizing on the 'you'.

"Oh well come in. My parents are not home right now. My mom is on the hospital, the doctors have her on a strict diet. She is going to be bringing my sister home very soon. Do you want something to drink?"

"No thanks, Marcus. Jane is very special to me. Her parents suffered from strong delusions. As you know, she has been going through a rough patch and in six months she is going to be twelve. I want to look out for her."

"Are these your paintings?" He asks pointing to mom's.

"No, they are my mom's, sir."

"She loves to paint?"

"In her spare time, it's a past time of hers I suppose." I say.

My mom loves to do all kinds of stuff and since she got pregnant, she's been doing more portraits.

"I love this one." John points to the one in the middle above the fireplace. "Nineteenth century recreation. I gather your mother went to visit Spain to paint this one. I was there with Kate last week, I wanted to take Jane with me but she insisted on staying here for another one of your stupid parties which begs me to ask the question if your parents know that you are making parties in their house when they're away and serving booze to minors?"

"Sir, I swear, that was a mistake!"

John chuckles, he waves his hand dismissively. "Settle down boy, I'm no dolt. I know Arthur's type. They think that because they have money they can do anything. I care a lot about Janey and her brother, I make it a priority of mine to watch where they are going and I checked her cell phone. She's been receiving a lot of calls from your pals."

"Sir-"

"Let me finish." John says using a soft voice, yet his eyes say otherwise. "Jane's obviously infatuated with you. She's been talking non-stop about the boy who won't stop ignoring to her friends. I know a bit about your generation even if I have been stuck in the good old days when boys of my generation where not afraid of telling a girl how he felt about her." He sighs and chuckles. The way he smiles, frowns, laughs and his eyes sparkle, remind me of everything my parents told me about the savior of mankind and also of Jane or Janey as everyone now calls her at school.

"Sir … Mr. Connor I don't know what you've heard but I swear to you, I've been very respectful to your daughter."

"Yeah. I bet you have." He says, smirking at his next sentence. "Thing is, I can't let my daughter chase dreams. Her father was a very … unstable man. The first thing that came to my mind when her mother asked me to look after them was to say no. She was frantic, saying all kinds of crazy things. This is the woman who nearly killed me when she blew up Cyberdine but it turns out that she suffered from psychosis. Kyle Reese took advantage of that. He believed he was a soldier from the future sent on a mission to protect her. She didn't know truth from myth and Kyle was manipulated by his aunt, the late Mrs. Reese. It's all very sad. I didn't want to take those two in but just as my mother taught me that you couldn't trust in first appearances, I decided that I couldn't let what their parents did shape my view of them and ever since that, I've been very grateful. So you see why I am protective of them."

"Mr. Connor…" I say, hesitating, trying to recall what my mother taught about how to act under tough situations. "You do not have to worry … she –uh … I mean your daughter … Janey … I mean Jane … s-she's in good hands. I know you love her. Janey talks about you constantly, she speaks very highly of you. She lasts very long in these parties because of her friends. I didn't think she'd come. I didn't know that Arthur's cousin would bring the booze. She didn't drink anything I swear."

"I know she did not. Trust me, as a heavy drinker myself, I would have known." John says sitting down in my dad's favorite chair. "You are a good kid, but too thick. My daughter throws herself at the guy she likes and he chooses to ignore her. You have to be either a dolt or are not interested."

He was daring me. I open my mouth and close it. What can I say that doesn't sound insulting? Do I love Jane? Yes, at least I think it is love. I am not sure what it is, but I do feel an attraction to her and she is damn attractive and she just turned twelve so we can do more than kiss. But she is also very proud and serious, much unlike the other girls she hangs with and she is Connor's sister and if my parents knew that I was talking to Connor, they'd kill me!

I respond as best as I can. "Jane is a special girl but I can't be with your daughter." She's too much for me. And we were as different as oil from water.

"Why is that?" John asks, raising an eyebrow and showing an amused grin, crossing one leg. "Your parents don't want you to mingle with new money?"

"My parents are not like that." I say, my voice hardens at the next sentence. "With all due respect sir, you have very little right (if it at all) to speak of my parents that way. By the standards you hold us to, we are new money as well and still, my parents never told me to discriminate others." I soften my voice. "The truth is that I am intimidated by your daughter because she's the first girl I kissed and I've never had any luck with other girls, except the ones that hang around Frankie, Dan and Arthur and they only go out with me because I am their little sidekick. You know, the guy that makes them look better for taking in a loser like me."

It is mostly true. The only reason those guys let me hang with them is so they don't look like douchebags and I do like Jane, but I am not her type.

John clicks his tongue then walks to me and places his hand on my shoulder. "You are a dolt. But you are a smart dolt. Do not sell yourself short Marcus. If you have a talent, be proud of it, let it define you. You are an opportunist like me, you see an opening and you take it. Other kids probably call you a follower or classify you as a conformist but there's nothing conformist about wanting to be better. You saw an opening and you take it. But if you want to see my daughter, you are going to have to be smarter than that and have the guts to ask her out and the guts to ask her surrogate father to ask her out." He says grinning at my shocked expression.

Mom was right, Connor had a way of intimidating people. Her first dream of him had been when she met my father. He was seven years her senior, and they clicked right away. Whenever I saw them, I wished I would have someone whom I could love as fiercely and make me feel as good as mom made dad feel.

"I-If I ask you …" I start. My whole body is trembling. I think of the consequences that I'm going to have to confront when my dad finds out. But fuck it. I ask "Would you let me date Jane?" It just rolls out my tongue and I wait for the older man to say yes.

And that is exactly what he says. "Yes."

"But," he adds "you have to accept my offer to bring your parents to dinner."

"I will, I'm sure my parents will be delighted once they come home from the hospital."

"Of course, I wouldn't want to impose. Tell your mom congratulations on her new child."

"I will and sir, thank you. Will Jane say yes too?"

"My daughter is no fool. If she didn't talk about you using strong language, she wouldn't be so interesting. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin." He says, leaving my house.

I watch him get into his car from the living room window. His wife, Kate Connor is there in the passenger seat. She is beautiful, but not as beautiful as I picture Jane will grow to be.

I shake these thoughts from my head. I am deluding myself. She is nothing. I am only doing this because I want to impress father. That has to be it. If I get close to her, I can get closer to Connor and ensure that my father and mother prepare for what's ahead.

Somehow this doesn't make things easy for me. I have a nightmare that day, the first ever. In it, I see a woman dressed in dark metallic green, wearing a red cloak. She pulls the cowl revealing her face and I swear, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She looks like an angel. She beckons me to come and I whisper her name but she doesn't look back. She opens a black door and leads me in. Inside is the same woman, thrown to the floor by some invisible force, crying and clutching her stomach. She looks at me, her eyes begging me to help her but I'm frozen at the spot and in spite of her other silent pleas, I never move and watch as the crows come to peck at her flesh.

I wake up in cold sweat. The door downstairs is buzzing. I put on my coat and turn on the speaker to ask who is it.

"It's me Marcus. Let us in, we have a special surprise for you." Dad says and I open up.

"Marcus," he says as he steps aside to let mom in. "We want to show you a very special someone. Blair."

"Marcus, this is your sister, Anne Rose Wright."

Anne Rose. Such a peaceful name. I look into her eyes, green like my dad's and her skin is pale white like his too. "She is beautiful, mom."

"She is our new angel." Mom says, shifting her gaze from me to dad.

"Marcus why don't you help me put her to bed?"

"Sure, you go to bed too. You have school tomorrow, and no excuses this time."

"Yes, dad." I say nodding vigorously and going back to my bedroom

Anne Rose, I think of her smiling face, how she will look when she grows up. And the thought gives me such hope as her name that I forget about my dream and about Connor.

* * *

 

Jacob has been acting strange. He tells me that he's been making more knots and he is going to make more with Kate. "Jacob, she is too busy dealing with John's business." I say to avoid speaking of John and Kate's play time

I love my brother but he is so naïve that he doesn't know what John and Kate do behind-close-doors and I always have to stay up one extra hour so my brother doesn't go snooping around their bedroom.

"You sure? I heard her giggling when I passed the hallway."

"Jacob you shouldn't be snooping around. It's rude and John doesn't like it."

"What do you mean by that Janey?"

"Exactly what I said Jacob, come on not this again little brother. I know you want to spend more time with our brother but John is very busy with Kate." I emphasize, pressing my lips so tightly together that I nearly made them disappear as the nano matter sprung from my skin.

"But I want to talk to him about the new play I am in."

"Talk to him tomorrow."

"But the rehearsals are tomorrow."

"You said you were already in." I say, getting very exasperated. "You can practice it at night." John doesn't sleep so he will have time for him then.

"But Danny could call him. I want John to listen to me now!"

I roll my eyes. Oh God! "Fine!" I answer. "But stay behind me and don't go barging in, 'kay?"

He nods, hugging me and screaming my name like crazy.

I tell him to stay several steps away and listen to my I pod. John would kill me if I told him that I let my brother listen in to my music. He thinks it is too much for a boy of six, and Kate, well, Kate wants Jacob to continue and be a kid and she constantly fights with John about him being too hard on him. But Jacob doesn't mind, my brother loves challenges but he's said that he'd love if John lets him do what he wants instead of putting him in all those advance classes. And Kate agrees with him. (I am sure she is the one who convinced Jacob to try out for the play).

"John!" I say, repeating myself again and again when they don't answer.

I hear muffling noises and John swearing under his breath. "Come in!" He says and I open the door. He and Kate are in bed, fully dressed. I make a signal to my brother to come in. He takes his headphones off, hands me my I pod, and takes my hand.

"What is it?" John says, pretending not to be bothered at all by my sudden interruption to his afternoon activities.

I turn to Jacob. The floor is all yours little brother, I say mentally.

"I got into the play Hamlet, John." He says, smiling openly at John and Kate.

John opens his mouth, but Kate beats him to it. She extends her arms invitingly, Jacob runs to her. "That's great Jacob. I told you, you'd get it."

"You knew?" John asks, tilting his head. "Kate, we agreed that he would stay away from this stuff." He starts, lowering his voice. But Jacob hears and his gaze drops. "Jacob you are more suited for science. Chemistry, Physics, Biology. Focus on your studies."

"But I like theater. I thought you'd be happy John."

John sighs. "I am, but I want you to be focused on these subjects as well. You can't afford distractions."

Oh great John, you're talking to Jacob, the most childish person in the planet as if he is an adult. I hop on the bed, putting myself between them, next to Kate who is still holding my brother. I look at John and say with a look that says seriously? to talk to Jacob as the child he is.

This convinces John to talk softer Jacob. He would never apologize but my brother is smart when it comes to us, he knows that he can't restrict too much and Jacob is a curious kid, and a very talented one as well and if Kate approves of his choices then so must he.

"So you will help me practice?"

"I will." He promises and Jacob squeezes his hand. "So Hamlet huh? I read the entire play, what character are you going for?"

"Hamlet." Jacob says enthusiastically and this makes John smile. My brother is going for the big role and that shows big ambition, something that pleases the three of us.

"Oh that this too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew." John says quoting from the play.

"Hamlet scene ii."

"Nicely done. Frailty, they name is woman!"

"Scene ii, too."

"As is the name of the dolt with no clue." John says and I crease my brow in confusion, not remembering that from the play.

"That is Marcus Wright."

John chuckles. "Very much so. Your boyfriend could learn a thing or two from your brother." He says looking at me.

"He is not my boyfriend."

"Yes, he is, you talk about it all the time with your friend Rachel."

"No, I do not. Who's side are you on?" I yell at my brother.

"You do, I saw her texts last week, she says that she dreams to be in his arms and k-i-s-s-i-n-g…"

"Okay Jacob that is enough, before your sister explodes. Let's get you to your room where you can show me your performance." Kate says, taking Jacob in her arms and leading him to his bedroom.

I turn and saw Jacob look at me, sticking his tongue out and with that look that said 'I win sis!'

(Brothers!)

I turn to John who is not concealing how much he is having, that barks in laughter as he sees my angry expression. "You must admit, you look prettier when you get angry. It's no wonder the poor boy likes you."

Poor boy! "The boy is an idiot who left me because his father thinks too poorly of me."

"New money always does especially when you are the daughter of the third chairman of Cyberdine enterprises."

"I don't want to be. I just want to be normal –I mean" I rephrase, knowing that's a word John hates "ordinary until the cleansing starts. And he is not interested." I add.

"How do you know?" John asks. "I went to his house today."

"What?! John!"

"Relax, he is a very thoughtful man and had many things to say."

"Like?" I ask, slightly intrigued. (Slightly).

Twisting his lips upward again into that cocky grin of his that scared so many of the chairmen at the board whenever they disagreed with him, Danny and Miles; he told me "He wants to date you but feels scared that you will say no."

"Good, because I will say no."

"You will say yes."

"No."

"Yes. Because you clearly like this boy."

"John is not a matter of like. He has to like me too and I am just a score in his stupid date book."

"All guys have date scores, when I was your age, there were many guys who would value women in ters of points. I got the highest." He boasted.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at him. "Show off." I say. "He is not my type anyway."

"Look at you, twelve and you have a type!"

"It's not that, I just don't want to get involved with anyone who seems like an idiot." I say but truth be told, I don't want to be associated with anyone who could jeopardize our true identity.

"There is no need to worry about that, if he goes on doing something stupid, he will have to go through me."

"Now who is being sarcastic?" I tell him and move closer. "Promise me you won't go visit him again. I don't want him to get the wrong impression." I beg.

But he gives me something that makes me see red. "I invited his parents to dinner so you two will have time to get acquainted and make a good impression on his folks."

"Oh no." I say wringing my hands in the air. Earth swallow me whole!

"If it were Arthur Kripke's parents I would not make a fuzz about this but these are the Wrights, they are SO critical of everything John."

"Which is exactly why they will enjoy having their son's girlfriend because she will be different from the rest of the crowds."

This brings me a little hope. "When are they coming?"

"Whenever they can." He said and told me the rest of Marcus' message.

"Jacob will have to sit still for thirty minutes and you know how long it took you last time not to start asking all kinds of question from why do drink juice and what kind of a name was apple for a company."

"Which is why Kate will sit next to him so we all spend a nice meal." He promises and I believe him. "You should have told me he was going to go into that play-thing." He tells me and I know he's not referring to Jacob.

"It was just a joke. The other kids were doing it and anybody who is anybody does it."

"That's Charlene Rogers talking. You're not an idiot, Janey, I know you like this boy and he has some good qualities, I will give him that but you deserve better."

"I do not John, and he is nobody. I wanted to give him a lesson at the party, Arthur Kripke said his dad used to do some hacking when he was small so I hacked into the main servers of the house to overwrite the system so his big show would be a big let-down but he had a back up."

"You have to anticipate." He reminds me and pulls me closer. "What really happened? Before I have his parents tell me all kinds of outrageous stories of goblins and monsters."

"Nothing happened. I swear! It was just a joke. I let paint be thrown on the floor and Marcus thought it was Daniel and Daniel thought it was Arthur who thought it was his ass-girlfriend, that empty headed bitch Lara-"

"Language."

"I'm sorry, I mean that empty headed bimbo. I did not mean for it to go that far."

"Well apparently it did but for all intents and purposes, you hit your target." He says and I flinch when he says that. Why is everyone so interested in my love-life? Am I even allowed to have a love-life? Come on! I am only twelve and even IF I do like this guy, he is an idiot who doesn't have the balls to admit his feelings to me.

"What?" I ask seeing John chuckle.

"Kyle used to do that whenever girls tried to get in his pants (literally)…" He says and laughs harder seeing my disgust. "It's not like you never walked in on them."

"Ew, no! Well once, but that was because Jacob was screaming like crazy and I had to go to the kitchen to refill his bottle." I explain, remembering the giggles and the sweet words my father (back when he was daddy) whispered to my mom.

My dad was so devoted to my mom. There wasn't a day when he didn't shower her with praises, and also fought her on almost everything. When we went to watch this new movie, the two had a riot fighting over which character is better and then just like that! They made up and started kissing, with me, poor Janey in the back, telling them to please, please get a room!

(Adults were so weird).

"And you, don't think I haven't heard you and Kate." I say giving him my famous 'don't give me that cocky grin, Connor' look. He grins, blushing furiously.

"You've heard, huh?" I nod furiously. "I try to keep things quietly but what can I say, Kate is voracious." He says and grins wider. "You really love her, don't you?" He nods.

"I want what's best for you, Jane. If this boy makes you happy, then don't care what me and the others say. Go for it." He says and it sounds natural. I want to make my brother proud. I truly do. But I am so conflicted by these emotions. I think of my parents, of Kate and John, and all the other people that were meant to be. I think of the future and what might hold in store for me and Jacob, and then I think about all those people that pass our streets, living their daily lives without realizing that they were living on borrowed time, without a care in the world for what may come.

John is right. The cycle has ended. This is my life and I am going to live it the way I want it.

"Of course, I can't know what that dolt will say but if you think he is the right one, then go right ahead and snatch him before another one does. Fame favors the bold." He says, quoting from one of his favorite books.

"Thanks John." I say, feeling truly grateful.

* * *

 

 could be spending my time doing better things than this! My dad will kill me if he finds out. That idiot Daniel had to turn off the alarm. Why do I even hang out with him? I can't stand them. If it wasn't for my father 'you must have allies' shit I wouldn't be anywhere near those idiots. I stop. I perk my head up. Rufus is barking.

I immediately run to check on my baby sister. I breath a sign of relief when I see she is fine. I push the blanket higher so she won't feel cold.

I am losing my mind. Ever since my father told me of his new nightmares, I haven't been able to have a good night sleep. I slam my door, not caring if I wake my mom and dad. Their bedroom is always open, and Anne Rose is (thankfully) a heavy sleeper so I don't have to worry about her.

Walking to my widow, I look outside at my dog's house. Lewis stops barking when he sees me and whimpers. What now? I hate dogs. I really, really do.

_Stupid mutt._

I put on a coat and my slippers and go outside. "What is it now, boy?" I ask, rubbing my eyes as he whimpers some more. "Please just shut up you stupid fucker. I really need to sleep."

As if he can understand me, he grows quiet. I let out a sigh of relief.

_Stupid mutt._  Returning to my bedroom, I stop. I have the weird feeling of somebody watching me. I turn and find a shadow next to my bed. I call my dad.

"Marcus, what is it?" He asks and I tell him and mom what I saw. The two are immediately up and grab their guns they hide underneath their bed. "Blair be ready to take Anne and Marcus."

"What about you? Where will we find you?"

"You know where. Just be sure to run."

Mom nods. She is ready, she's done this kind of stuff before in her old line of work. She knows that it is all about the mission. Act first, ask questions later. Dad opens the door and aims, but finds nothing.

He sighs. "Go back to sleep. I will stay up, just in case. Marcus, you sure of what you saw?" I nod and point to where I've seen it.

My mom steps forward carefully putting her hand there. She feels nothing. Knocking on it, she finds it sounds the same as in other places. "Must have been a bad dream. Is it possible?"

Dad shakes his head. "Our past selves did not have kids, so it shouldn't affect them." He says and trails off staring off into space. He comes into his senses when he hears Anne Rose cry. "I will get it." Mom says but dad waves his hand giving her the gun.

Mom stays with me until I fall asleep. "Marcus what did you see?" I tell her. "Have you been having these dreams often?"

Yes, I am about to say, but then think of Jane, and what this could mean for her and her siblings. My dad was man who wasn't above using brute force to protect his loved ones. Back in his younger years, he defended his brother from a cop who wanted to arrest him because he was suspect of a crime. My dad defended him, and was ready to take the cop's gun, but uncle Jack punched him, leaving him unconscious for three hours.

It was the first time I have ever heard my dad being violent, but there were traces of that violent behavior right there. During his time in the military, he was always characterized for being rough with his platoon, and although there were no scandals, people whispered that he was not above using torture to get information.

Somehow the thought of my dad doing that didn't fit with the man I knew –the man who had raised me these past twelve years, who's never failed to be there for me when I'm scared and even when he is angry, he always reassures me that I will make it, that no matter what things will turn out fine.

But there is also that side of him who will do anything to protect his family.

I shake my head. "Just this one time." I say, offering the best look I can give her so she believes it. But she sees the corner of my lips twist and she knows that it is a lie. But she doesn't press further.

The following day I sit next to Jane in chemistry class. I tell her, her 'dad' went to visit me during the weekend and I asked him if it was okay to date her. She asks what was his answer, I say "Yes" and she smiles.

"Should we announce it?" She asks me, eying her friends who no doubt will be speaking about this for weeks.

"Nah, let them ponder on it. Better to let rumors fly by." I say and she agrees.

"You know." She says after the bell rings. "You aren't such an idiot as I thought."

"Uh … geesh, you aren't such a blond idiot either." I am sure she is going to slap me but she bursts out laughing, drawing attention from several of our classmates.

"Janey." Her friends call, and she follows. Before she is out the door, she turns and says "See you after school, Marcus." and winks at me.

I gulp _. Oh Marcus_. You are in so much trouble.  _I know. But I don't care!_

* * *

 

I stroll down the corridor of Cyberdine in my dreams. There is always this figure stopping me from getting to John and saving him from himself.

My sister in law has made a new friend and John is anxious to meet his parents in person. I tell him, whispering in his ear while he is still inside me, not to think on this hard.

What failed him in the past, cannot fail him now.

I am devoted to him. He is one part of me as I am part of him. "If you keep it at like that we won't have any trouble waking Jane up."

"She is not in her room right now." I say and he raises an eyebrow.

"Oh really? Where did you give her permission to go now?"

I give a silent laugh and kiss him. He looks at me surprised. "That is dangerous. It's too close to ground zero."

"The devil's in the details. It's what your mother told you, and what I told you many times before in your future. Janey will be alright. She's a big girl and if anyone comes near her, she will be prepared." I tell him then go on to tell him of my dream.

He hates it when I am being all prophetic, but I can't help it. We are who we are, and I would love to live in the fairy tale world he offers but that will never happen as long as he lets these people live. I have seen so many lives pass me by, and every night when I was with Scott, I would wake up, drenched in cold sweat, screaming  _ **his**_ name. I don't want to relive those moments in this timeline. I need John to be the leader he is meant to be, the man he's always meant to be for me, Jane, Jacob and our growing family.

"It's Kyle. He's done this before, he will do it again." I tell him, urging him again to act. He gets on top of me. When he looks at me, is he looking at me or the other Kate? The one who shot herself because she preferred death over life? I can never tell.

I place my hand on his face, tracing the lines where his scar had been. "You are not the scared little boy anymore John, you can put a bullet to the heart of it before it starts." Naturally he knows I am referring to the people who are conspiring against us.

He lowers his eyes then grins maliciously. "Mom was right in the past to say that hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn." He says lowering himself, starting the vicious cycle again. I press my lips. It feels like I am on fire. It should not hurt, neither should I feel but I do and I am swept by a feeling of bliss unlike anything I've ever experienced (in this life or the others). Withdrawing from me, he rolls over and pulls me into an embrace.

"I will do it." He says and I smile, feeling more grateful than I'd ever been. This John won't fail me. How can he? He is a man who's broken away with destiny, but who also is aware of what he must do to ensure our kind's survival.

It's the same all over again –I think. –The dreams, the nightmares, but they all point to a different future.

"I am happy to hear that, John." I say. He buries his fingers in my hair, smelling the Jazmin perfume I always wear, the one I have learned to imitate to perfection for these occasions.

"It's good to have you with me again, Kate." He says softly, resting his head on my naked shoulder, falling asleep.

I trace my fingers on his back. He's never had scars like his father. He's always been so careful, so precise. I found myself drawn to him when he approached me. He was on the news, and he worked on one of the biggest companies in the world and would often come to my dad's house. I thought he was a bit strange at first, but then I got to know more of him, and we got to be friends. But there was always something in his eyes which disturbed me and when he told me everything –where he came from, his future, what I'd been to him, I ran away and pointed a gun at his head, telling him never to come near me. That should have been that but he kept coming. And I didn't help matters when in the middle of one of our endless fights, I kissed him.

_I wanted him to shut up. He was driving me up the fucking wall, but his breath, it was so human and I could feel his tongue battling mine. I let him take me, and when Scott came, I didn't bother to apologize. We signed the divorce papers and I was officially a free woman. John proposed to me not long after. I said "no"._

" _Why not?" He demanded, punching the wall of my apartment creating a big whole. If I wasn't too distraught, I would have yelled at him and told him to pay up because I was going to be blamed for this by the neighbors next door who were always looking for an excuse to blame me for anything wrong in their lives._

_I told him the truth. "You are a machine John. And what we had was special, but you said it yourself. We are not meant to be. Look at what's happen to you, look at what happened to me in the past. What if that is what always happens?"_

_He refused to listen to me and pleaded (yes the great John Connor in his own proud way, pleaded) with me not to let go of this opportunity. I did._

_I made arrangements to move with my cousin and her wife, Diana Roll on NYC when I turned on the news and saw a special broadcast. "Right from the center of controversy. You might remember inventor and called by Washington Post 'the Greatest Revolutionary in our world'. John Connnor graces us today…" Cameras and reporters tried to get a word from him but the ever elusive John Connor remained elusive._

_On each hand, he held two children. A girl, too tall for her age, long dark blond locks falling down her back as she took off the band that held her hair in a tight pony tail._

_She looks like John. I thought then. And just like John, she was beautiful. She turned on one of the camera crew and her eyes where glowing. Not in the way a child would when she cried, but they were just glowing. (I later learned it was anger). And the boy, he looked very little like John. He clearly took after their father, with dark brown hair, perfectly combed with the same facial expressions, but his eyes were what identified as one of John's siblings. Those same eyes she tried to forget._

_After that, I cancelled all my appointments and with an apologetic tone, told my cousin I could not go. She asked me if I was sure, I said yes, looking straight into the TV where John's face was focused. A solemn look on his face._

_What are you thinking John? Didn't you want this?_

_I hung up the phone and went to his place. The two of us talked. I baby sat the kids. We repeated this routine for days until one day he told me that he could not wait any longer and he kissed me. There was something different in his kiss, I could feel something in the tip of my mouth and I began to feel drowsy_. " _John?" I asked, confusion written all over my face. He placed me on the bed, then kissed me again, and this time I could feel something greater overpower me. It was too much to fight against. And yet, I asked myself, did I even want to? No. It was too blissful, I felt at home and John's hands running through my body, increased my desire. Before I knew it, our two bodies were one and I was saying his name over and over._

That was a year ago. Since then, I've never looked back. What John, told me I did. His siblings also became my priority. I love Jane and Jacob with all my heart, they are special and I want them to continue being that way, but I also want them to experience what we never could. To be happy, to laugh, to cry, and have the things that fate didn't let us have.

After a long hour, I close my eyes as well. This time, I hope I'm not assaulted by dreams and nightmares of my past lives. I do not want to be defined by destiny any more than John is. And it is why I mentally pray that he listens to me and takes out our rivals before they do something brash.

_He can't let go of the memory of his father._  A voice in my head tells me. I can't let go of mine either, but my dad is still with me and he is oblivious to what I've become. If he knew, I know for a fact he would do anything in his power to destroy me. (Which is why I will not hesitate to take him out if that is what it took to keep our happy family life). But Kyle Reese is another story. John continues to cling to the idea that he can have his father by his side. It is a vain hope, a stupid one at that, but one I can't help but admire.

_He just has to get rid of that stupid girl._  God, how I hate her! I never thought it was possible to hate someone so much but I do. I really, really do. She is the reason why the other Johns strayed. Sky Net made her so they could create a right between me and John, and it nearly worked until it found out that the little metal bitch was working alongside the rogue terminators that wanted to take over Sky Net's empire.

If it were up to me, I would strangle her but this is John's decision and I must follow. I suppose one good thing came out of all of this. Without the creation of that metal based on Allison Young, John and me would have never come to be.  _Ironic, really. The rogue terminators in rebelling against Sky Net, gave it the tools of foresight and made John into a greater man than he ever was._  And me, into his right hand again.

My eyes snap open as I heard Jacob crying.  _Another nightmare_. I think and I leave John's side, summoning the nanites to create artificial clothes for me; and go to Jacob.

"What is it?" I ask softly.

"I dreamed of daddy again. I saw him, he was sorry … He was crying …"

I place my arms around him. It's no wonder why everyone loves him. Jacob and Jane are not marred by fate, but Jacob especially, still retains his innocence (even after everything he's been through).

"Shh, it's just a nightmare Jacob. Dreams pas in time. You must focus on your play." I say, hoping that a change of topic will take his mind off that awful night.

"You will have dozens of people lining to see you, John and I will be there to see you."

He sniffed. "Will Janey be there too? I miss her coming to my rehearsals."

"Yes, she will." I promise. "Now go to sleep."

"Wait" He grabs my arm. "Can you stay? Please? I don't want to be alone. Please."

I nod and hum a song I remember from my childhood that my mother used to sing to me. He falls asleep in my arms and I watch him, momentarily tempted to go back to John, but I am suddenly afraid that something will come and take him away so I stay, making room for me in his bed.

* * *

 

Kyle sighed. He would find a way to rescue those kids. Even if it killed him. He would do right by them. He put the gun underneath his seat and drove off (back to his place). He put a reminder on his cell phone for Jacob's play. The boy had sent him a text, begging him to go. Come morning, he would make arrangements, making sure that he worked twice as hard so his boss would let him out early and he could come to the play in time.

As he drove off, he couldn't help but think of the girl. She had been seeing that boy, Marcus. His father had left an important letter in his mail-box, urging him to come and see him. Kyle ignored it, thinking it was another one of those idiots asking him for an interview about how he felt being related to the crazy fanatics terrorists, but after everything, he was going to consider it.

He might have some information that could help him and Allison. He parked the car in the garage. The neighbors were out of town, so he had all the space to himself. His dog greeted him upon entering. Allison preferred that they kept her outside, but Kyle was too attached to Miriam to risk her life (even for them). "Hey girl, no threats?" Miriam shook her head. He petted her and let her run off to their bedroom. Allison was already in bed. He didn't bother undressing, he was too exhausted.

He got under the covers and set his head against the soft pillow.

_A straight line._ Sarah Connor told him.  _You just go and you don't look back._  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't free himself off that memory. He wanted her, a part of him would do anything to have her but the other part (the sane part) reminded him that she was lost to him and there was nothing he could do. And he had to accept that, or else, he risked becoming insane or worse, like his s _on_ , John Connor.

_A straight line, yes. But far from the ghosts of my past._  He whistled to Miriam to get on the bed. The golden retriever obeyed and set herself at the end of the bed, curling into a ball.

Kyle closed his eyes, letting himself be overtaken by dreams. In all of them he saw a little boy, a teenager, a young adult being rescued by the savior of mankind, his son John Connor. In all of them except one. The first incarnation of John, a man so different, and yet just as imposing as all the others. No matter what, Kyle always ended up as his second most trustworthy officer after his wife, Katherine Brewster.

_In all of them though, I die._  Kyle observed. He woke up. He shut off his alarm and got out of bed. Allison was still asleep and he was not going to wake her. She was very grouchy when somebody woke her.

He gave Miriam some peace of leftover steak and left a note on the fridge.

Allison woke up an hour later. She took the note and sighed. Kyle was going to that boy's recital. "Honestly, why can't he let it go?" She threw the note in the trash and refilled Miriam's water bowl. "Good girl, at least you listen to me. I don't know what is wrong with Kyle? Men, huh?" The golden retriever gave her a small growl.

"Don't get ahead of yourself girl. You haven't been out long, but when you're out, tell me if you still disagree with me when you meet one asshole who breaks your heart over some heartless bitch."

That was what Sarah was. One heartless bitch. If she had not raised her son 'so well', John would not have turned into the monster he did.  _Must run in the family._ She rushed to her car and drove to the hospital. The kids greeted her with an open smile. Between 8 and 5 she worked at the public hospital near Kyle's work, and afterwards she drove past the shelter to check if it was filled with supplies (if not, she would go get some). Shuffling through the papers as a new patient registered for second degree burns on his back, she told him he would be seen immediately. She paged Cecily Lancaster, who got on to work on him right away.

As she saw part of his wounds, she could not help but shiver. Humanity blows, she'd told her mom once, to which she said that she shouldn't judge others too harshly. We had the potential to save our species, and the potential to destroy it. Those were her words. There were odd times when Allison felt compelled to call her mother but what would she say? Oh hey mom, I'm living with Kyle who guess what? He's having visions of a post-apocalyptic world like you and I, and also guess what?! It's all true. She pushed those thoughts away from her head.

She had to focus on her work. She was slacking and she hated slacking. Kyle was certain that their plan would work. That as soon as they began to get close to the children, they could turn them into a force of good and thus overturn all of Connor's plans.

But could they, really? Just look at what the guy was capable of. He was not above killing his own flesh and blood and the man had no remorse! (Which Allison wasn't sure what was worse. Him willingly, knowingly, sending his father to the past to bang him into existence -when he was human!- or being an all knowing machine who had the gift of foresight and still believed himself to be humanity's last hope?)

Allison shuddered. "If you or I ever get infected, I will do us both." Kyle promised her and she trusted that he would. Kyle never failed on his promises and he was committed to doing what was necessary to protect them from the oncoming war

But what really made her be at ease, wasn't what Kyle promised but him. As a person, as a man, as a boyfriend. He was everything she ever dreamed, the man whom fate had taken away from her and meant him for Sarah. He was hers now and the knowledge that they would fight, live and die together made her happy.

_He will never love you._  "I know." She said, so low that nobody heard her. She was okay with that. If she had to break to keep Kyle, she didn't care. As long as he is mine, that is all that matters.

* * *

 

I put the shawl around my arms. John was late. I have called him but he doens't answer my calls.  _Something must have happened._  My military training -owed due in part to being a military brat and the memories from my past life, kick in.

He quickly texts me back. "Sorry Kate. Have to stay with Danny. His dad is not feeling well."

"Is he ok? You want me to come with the kids?"

"No! Stay there. It means a lot for Jacob." He texts me back. I sigh.

"Are you alright Mrs. Connor?" Michelle's dad asks. I nod. "Yes."

"Isn't John going to come? Me and the other parents are planning to get together and celebrate the kids. We were hoping he'd be joining us."

I say "no" keeping my eyes focused on Jacob who comes on stage, delivering the soliloquy as uncle Claudius nervously grabs his collar and ponders aloud about what his nephew has in store for him. "You will have to do with me." I say jokingly, mustering the best smile I can.

I don't like these social events, but John insists and I agree because of the kids. I want them to have the best experience possible, the kind we never had.

"Good, my wife will be there too."

"It's a miracle you got out of Washington."

"It's a miracle that Congress let her. They have this new bill."

"Oh? What is it about?" I inquire, sounding very bored.

"Something about homeland security. It's … it's nothing Kate." His voice dies down and looks away.

He does not want to tell me it has to do with the incident of Cyberdine, fourteen years ago. "You do not have to worry about me Rob, I am made of tough skin. General's daughter, remember?"

He chuckles. "I can see that. No disrespect to you and John, but you were too kind taking in those kids. Many parents here in the school were a little nervous when the principal told us the news. Two kids of two terrorists, we threatened to go to the news but you and John proved us wrong." He pauses. "You've done a marvelous job with those kids, you and John both. You should be proud."

"Thank you Rob, I am." I say and I mean it. The two of us share a smile before we return our attention to the play.

Jacob moves with such dexterity as he feigns to be battling with his enemies that he reminds me of John. There wasn't a weapon he could not use. People were right to call him prophet, because nobody moved like him, nobody said things so elegantly as him. And Jacob follows in his footsteps, earning the acclaim from the crowd. I clap the hardest, cheering him.

I take his hand after the pizza party and put him to bed. "Why didn't John show up?" He asks.

"He was busy Jacob. Danny's father is very sick. You remember Mr. Miles Dyson?"

"I do. Is John going to cure him?"

"I don't know and that is the truth." I say. "What is wrong?"

"I imagined mommy and daddy and even Pops in the stage. They were smiling at me, mommy was clapping just as loud as you." Jacob's face drops. "I miss them. Janey is always busy now and she enver wants to talk about it, but daddy loved us. I know he did! I saw it in his eyes. He was not going to do it. It was grandma's fault. Daddy did not know what he was doing and the other daddy … he was there at the play. He clapped for me. See? It's proof."

If only you knew Jacob what man your daddy, and what kind of person your mommy turned your brother into. A lot of John's hurt comes from that woman. I could never understand John's decision venerating his parents. They rejected him, and treated his siblings like they were worse than nothing.

Jacob should be less receptive of them. The two betrayed his trust when they conspired with that metal pet of theirs to find a way to turn them into 'normal'. As far as I can remember, the only good things I have heard from them, comes from Jacob's mouth and whenever he speaks, I am reminded of John.

He also wants to believe that he can right his parents' wrongs and have what he once had (what he imagines he could have) but I always point out that it is too late. But he does not listen, and neither does Jacob.

I run my fingers through his dark brown hair which is turning more and more like his father. "A word of advice Jacob, do not trust in your memories. What happened, happened. For whatever reason, your daddy did what he did. You can't change that, but John and I, and your sister Janey are here to make things better. We are your family now."

"I know but I miss them so much." He says and begins crying.

I am assaulted by a memory from a past life.  _"John, you must do it." I whisper in his ear, holding his hand. He pushes me away, he is too entrenched by his pain that he doesn't see my face. He gives me his back, as he always does and steels himself, showing no emotion as he repeats the words he said to me earlier before the Nagadoshi assault. "They are my parents Kate. I must do it but it doesn't make it easier. You should have seen the look on Kyle's face when he stared into Sarah's picture. He will fall for her, and he will die once again –and all because of me."_

John always took the pain of others into his own. I do not want Jacob to do the same. He must be the exception.

"Your daddy loved you very much." I start "Focus on the good memories you had on him and your mother, they will help you repel the nightmares."

"They will?"

"Yes. You want to hear a story?" He nods vigorously and points to the book resting on his drawer next to his bed, next to his lamp.  ** _The Once and Future King_**  by Sir Thomas Mallory.  _Fitting_  –I think.

I start reading and before I know it, he's back to his cheerful disposition, begging me to make the sounds I make when I get to the part of knights battling each other, swords clashing, and feasts coming to devour on the corpses. He is so enchanted by the story, by the forbidden love between Guinevere and Lancelot that he doesn't ask about the fate of Camelot or King Arthur.

"How is Miles?" I ask when John comes, morphing into something more appealing.

He's not said much since he and Jane came back from the hospital.

"The doctors say he is not going to make it, he's left me and Danny in charge of the board." My head snaps of this.

"John this is the opportunity you've been waiting for." I say, and he nods, but there is a sad smile. "You can do this. Remember who you are, you are John Connor." I say, squeezing his hand and the doubt that lingered in his eye is erased.

"You want to hear how Jacob's play went?" He nods, welcoming the change of subject. I start, telling him everything from his fine lines, to the book I read him after the play was over and we and the parents went to celebrate them.

John thanks me after I finish, taking me to bed. I can tell there's sorrow in his voice, but he hides it very well. He doesn't want anyone to know what hides behind those eyes, and neither do I. We made a promise since he turned me, that we were going to live our lives the way we want.

I feel the nanites rippling through my body as he inserts himself in me. I close my eyes, thinking on us, on everything we have achieved thus far and everything we will achieve.


	2. Muted Angels

_**"She plays the tune for those who wish to overlook** _   
_**The fact that they've been blindly deceived  
by those who preach and play and teach** _   
_**But she falls short of the night and explodes in laughter** _   
_**Don't you come and here  
and say I didn't warn you** _   
_**by the way the world can alter** _   
_**And though how you try and command it all** _   
_**every time one thing shits one way or the other.** _   
_**And I am a Goddamn coward,  
but then again so are you** _   
_**And the lions roar …  
the lions roar** _   
_**as we've evaded every other obstacle for you** _   
__**but I never ever really knew what to do…" ~Lion's Roar**

"Are you going to go the party tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Use the entire school as my confessional. It's very Catholic of you Marcus but not very presidential."

"Well maybe not, but it's honest. When all else fails, tells the truth."

I sigh, putting my fist on my chin. I want to tell the school that I made a mistake, an honest mistake but a mistake nonetheless. But I remember what Kate tells me 'Always be sure of what you want to say'. If only this was easier. "Fine. But if this blows right in my face, you are going to help me fix it, okay?"

"Yeah, sure Jane." He says, serious.

I address the school. Arthur's parents don't mind a party at their house. They don't know of last year's party and Michelle's dad was very discreet when it came about her daughter's secret. Fucking rich people. They live in another world. Then again, every human lives in another plane of reality. No wonder they are doomed.

Rachel, Charlene, Mary, and the rest applaud me and soon everyone follows. Marcus' plan works and I tell Kate all about it when we get back home. "See, I told you you'd be good as your school's president." She says, then offering Marcus a diet Pepsi. Marcus waves his hand dismissively, politely declining.

"Wait until John hears this. He is going to be very excited when he hears that another in the family is following in his footsteps."

'Yes, I am sure he will'. John has been stressing that point for the past three months how I am supposed to be taking up his mantle of big, great leader. And I really want nothing more than make him proud but I often wonder when I am with Marcus if this is how it's really meant to go.

I enjoy spending time with the girls discussing about boys and movies and I know Jacob loves his time with Michelle and his other little friends, talking about stupid nonsense. I don't want all of that to go.

But I must. A leader has to be strong for his or her people. And if John is going to take over the world, then I must put aside my sentimentality and work on getting him and Kate get there.

It's for the best. Besides, I tell myself. After John takes over, I can go back on doing what I want and live in a free society where I won't be looked down upon because of who my parents were and  **what**  I am.

It will be like I always wanted. Like he always wanted –My brain tells me. Is this really what you want? It asks me.

I don't know anymore but one thing I am sure and that's I am not going to fail John. He rescued me and Jacob and took me when NO ONE else did. He treated me like a person, he showed me things and he told me I was beautiful and that I could be somebody other than pretend to be disabled like my father wanted.

But is this really what I want? To rule the world, to re-shape it? After Marcus leaves I tell Kate about my doubts.

"Maybe there is another way."

"Maybe but maybe there is not. I know about your doubts. John had doubts as well when his mother kept telling him that one day he would rise up the occasion and become the great military leader he was supposed to be. He didn't doubt when that moment came. He saw all his friends killed and he became John Connor."

"But I am not John, Kate. I am not like him and I am not sure that I want to be. I know that you and John go on about who I'm supposed to be but I just want to be me, and besides the new girl at school, Courtney, is really nice and she has shown me all kinds of stuff about clothes, shoes and I enjoy it. I never thought that I would love spending my time with those idiots but I do."

"Silly girl. You are just like John, more than you know. You will get there honey, trust me." Kate just says and I have to nod, because I don't want to hear another long hour sermon about how confused I am, but it will pass and then I will see that he is right.

Burying my head in my pillow, I toss and turn. Why does life have to be so difficult for us Connor kids? My dad would be ashamed if he knew that I adopted the last name of Connor. He is not here though. And if he really cares so much about us, then the other him would be smart and go away, back to his little bunny, Miss Allison Young.

* * *

 

Kyle just stands there for the longest time, surveying the area. What the hell is he thinking now? I wish Kyle would act and pull the trigger on that son of a bitch.

I briefly consider stepping out the vehicle, but I keep my hands on the wheel. Kyle said that I had to be ready when he sprung out of the building with the two kids in hand.

Just how he's going to achieve that, I don't even want to know. The less I do the better in case Connor captures me.

Kyle enters the building and I wait, clocking my watch for five minutes. That is how long he promised me it would take to acquire them. But he doesn't come. Okay, Allison pull yourself together and run. But I can't. I can't leave Kyle behind.

Please god just get out of there now! As if some supernatural force hears me, my head perks up as I see Kyle running in my direction.

"Thank God! Get in!" I say unlocking the door. My eyes narrow. "Where are the children?"

"Drive."

"But the children … Kyle!"

"Just drive Allison!"

I speed off.

He doesn't talk to me for the thirty minutes that we get stuck in traffic. When we finally arrive, Miriam is there whimpering. I forgot to fed her, I open the cracker box and fill her bowl. I then turn to Kyle. He is a nervous wreck, pacing back and forth, uttering curses. "Would you mind telling me now what the hell happened? You said the plan was bullet proof."

"Well I did not count on … on … THAT!"

"What is that? Did John attack you?" He doesn't respond, he shuns me away, turning his back on me. "Kyle did John infect you? Oh God, we have to get you the hospital, I know someone who could-"

"No, it's not that Allison. John wasn't even there!"

"Then what are you so worked up about?"

"Nothing! It's nothing! Just … let's leave at that ok?!" I have pushed too far and he expects me to stay quiet, and act like I've always acted, as the perfect, obedient girl.

But I'm not going to act that role right now, and I am going to press Kyle until he gives me the right answer. "Fuck that I am not going to let it go! You saw something there, what was it?"

He doesn't answer me for quite a while and then he does, facing me, looking me straight in the eye and the answer he gives me is one I've been dreading for years.

"No. That is impossible. He-"

"Well apparently he did not! Now you see why I can't do anything!" He says and rubs his temple. "Look Allison baby, I am sorry, I know how much you want me to step up but I can't do this right now. We have to lay low-"

"Kyle, I never wanted you to step up to the plate."

"At least until I figure out a better plan." He says, carrying on despite my minor interruption. "I have some of the other me's stack, it has some of the magnetic bullets. It might not be enough to stop them, but it will slow them down so we take the kids and get the hell out of here."

"Kyle have you stopped to think that maybe … just maybe the kids are right where they belong?"

"What? Allison, you can't be serious! You've seen what type of man Connor is."

"Yes and that is exactly why they belong with them. Look Kyle, I know you feel … some sort of attachment to them but they are not your kids. You didn't raise them. The other Kyle did, and whatever happens, we must be prepared. That is where the other Kyle and Sarah failed, they spend too much time postponing and trying to end the vicious cycle but maybe this is what is meant to happen."

"No. Things must change. They have! Sky Net is no longer in charge, John is which means that we can change the future."

"I agree, we can. But we can't change the war. John has become something more dangerous and it is up to stop him from succeeding. When all this is over, we can go back to having our normal life. You and me, children … and we won't have to worry about time paradoxes or any of that." I say holding his hand and then take his other and place it on my flat belly.

His eyes widen. I want to burst out laughing at his shocked expression. "Since when?"

"Two months. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to worry you."

"Allison this is … this is wonderful… Holy shit, this changes everything … If Connor finds out-"

I silence him with a kiss. "He won't because we will make our future just you and me, far from Connor far from his family." I say and I mean it. Kyle is mine and no one else's, and I am not going to let the Connors get in between us this time.

We hold each other for the longest time until Miriam breaks the silence, pushing her plate against Kyle's leg.

"Well, now we will have an extra mouth to feed. Let's hope he or she is not like you girl." Kyle says jokingly, giving a light stroke to Miriam's head.

"I wouldn't mind dealing with another streak of stubbornness." I say, already imagining what my daughter will be like. I can feel it in my bones it is a girl, and not just because the sonogram told me so but because I have always wanted a girl.

* * *

 

"Jacob just calm down. He is not going to take us, alright?"

"But you saw how he looked at her. He wanted to shoot her."

"No he didn't Jacob, just … just calm down okay?" I beg him, yes for the first time begging but I have to because my brother is on the brink of a nervous breakdown and I hate seeing my brother weak.

"I can't. Daddy always comes back. He should come back. I miss him."

"Well he is not the same daddy who raised us okay? And old daddy got what he deserved!" I say, coming out harsher than I originally intended.

Jacob starts tearing up.  _Oh God_. "Jacob, look!" I say, grabbing his shoulders, shaking him. "I want the old daddy back too, okay? But he is gone and he was evil."

"He wasn't! He was just misguided."

"He tried to kill us Jacob, what do you call that if not evil?! He tried to kill us because some idiot told him we were the anti-Christ."

"Maybe we are. You changed so much Janey. You used to read to me and stay up all night until I fell asleep now it is Kate who does. You are never home to play with me and you don't want to help me with my crafts!"

"Because it's stupid!" I shout. My brother is so stupid. Does he think that our little daddy is going to drop off from the sky like those stories he told us before he killed our mommy in cold blood. Jacob was not there but I was and I saw how mommy yelled at him before our good, sweet old daddy shot her and melted Pops. "And you are stupid!"

"At least I am not a tramp." Jacob says with a dark tone.

"What did you say?" Jacob turns his gaze away. "You stupid boy." I let him go and drop him on the bed, his back hits the soft mattress. "Maybe daddy was right and he should have killed you. He would have spared us the trouble."

Jacob's eyes flash red and he swings his toys at me, I swing back focusing my gaze on the lamp next to me but he raises his hand and stops it before it hits him.

"Stop it! You are being irrational as always. You think you are the only who misses daddy? I miss him too but I was there when he killed mommy, you weren't!"

He backs his back against the wall and hugs his knees, hiding his head between them.

Gosh, I wish Kate was here. She is much better at this than me. I should stop by now but I can't. Jacob needs to know the full truth. "You were not there when he attacked mommy Jacob, I was! Mommy pleaded with him to think but he didn't. Our father never stopped to think! That is why he let that bitch put those ideas in his head!"

"Stop it! I don't believe you!"

"You saw the video, you saw him and grandma Brigid plan our deaths!"

Jacob screams. "Daddy loved us. He loved us! He loved me!"

"Daddy was an idiot and I am glad he is dead!"

"Take that back!"

"No!"

"You are a stupid liar!"

"That doesn't even make sense idiot!"

He gives me the middle finger. I grab his hand and put it down. "You are hurting me!"

"You are hurting me! That is how you sound." If John heard me using harsh language and Jacob making these expressions he'd get mad. He doesn't like us using strong language, he says it is beneath us.

"Shut up!"

I let him go and get out of the room, slamming the door of my own room behind me, ignoring John who just arrived.

* * *

 

"What was that about?"

I shake my head, not telling him about Jane's earlier doubts. He has too much on his plate to be worrying about Jane. Besides, it will get resolved. With Connors it always does.

* * *

 

John enters Jacob's room. Jacob's things are flying around as he cries harder, with his face against the pillow.

I want to comfort him and tell him that things are going to be ok but John's idea of tough love is better for these sorts of situations. He waves his hand, pushing the flying toys aside and sits next to Jacob.

"I know how hard this is. When I was little, my mom used to sing to me and told me that the future was not set, that I could choose for myself."

Jacob sits up facing John. "She used to sing to me too. She had a terrible voice but I always enjoyed her songs, especially 'Rocket Man'." He says with a little laugh and John joins him.  
He's always told me how his mother had a voice like a dying ca.

"She loved you a lot and Janey, you know that?" John says and I can hear a tint of jealousy and even regret in his voice.

"She did … but she was always so disappointed in me. She said 'get up soldier, you are strong. You must be prepared'. What did she mean by that? Did she want me to be a soldier like you?"

John's first instinct is to nod. He's never had trouble talking to the children, and he always responds to them with the truth, but he shakes his head this time. "No, she wanted you to be normal, like the rest."

"Why did she inject me that thing then?"

John narrows his eyes and so do I, sitting next to him.

"What thing?" He asks, his voice dangerously low. I can see that Jacob has hit a chord here. He looks at me and I nod.

"Pops … the T 800 he did a serum … said it would help me … He said it would make me a real boy like the blue fairy for Pinocchio at the end of the book."

"Jacob, I need you to tell us, when was this?" I ask. Jacob says four years ago. John and I look at each other then switch our gazes to Jacob in alarm.

"I did a systems check like you tell me to do John, I am ok." He says and John nods. He rises and traces his hand across Jacob's cheek, then goes away.

"Did I do something wrong?" Jacob asks me, baffled at John's attitude.

"No honey, John is just tired that's all. Go to sleep, I will come soon to read you a story, okay?" He nods and lies down.

I go to John. His back's facing me and he's not saying anything. After a long moment of silence, he says "When I was Jacob's age my mom used to sing to me, she said that everything was true. The war, Sky Net but I never believed any of it until a Terminator came to tell me he'd been sent by me, the me from the future and I realized it was all true. After that, I followed her like a lost puppy, wishing that I could take back the awful things I said …" he turns "… She believed that I was meant for greatness and she would have done anything to keep humanity's messiah alive that I thought she'd be proud of me."

"John, the mother who raised is dead, this Sarah is someone else entirely."

"No, they are both the same. There is only one Sarah Connor and she would have done anything to keep her children from turning into abominations. I saw it in her eyes Kate when she looked at me after I recovered from the attack her relic inflicted on me. She would have probably tried to kill him."

"You don't know that."

He smirks. "You did not know my mother Kate." He gives a cold laugh. "The joke is on her now, everything she ever loved is now mine and I am not going to let go of them, and if any of my mother's old friends come, I will deal with them."

"Together." I say, and he nods.

John stared from the window of his car to the horizon. He didn't like bringing anybody with him in his endless treks, unless he had to. And Kate needed to watch over Jacob before their sister said something that upset him. He had seen how the girl's eyes lit up every time some was hurt or brutally killed on TV. He didn't miss the look of pain that cross his younger brother's features every time she forced him to watch.

Jane loved to take on the hardest challenged and she worked very hard to impress him, but she had a temper that reminded him of their father. He tried teaching her various methods of controlling it, but the girl also possessed a rebellious spirit.

"At least it is better than Jacob." He wondered why was it that he had not pressured Jacob into being more assertive than his sister. Was it that he saw Kyle in the boy's features he got from their father? Or was it something else? Something he was too afraid to revisit because it would reopen old wounds.

He twisted his mouth, whatever it was, it didn't matter. He had better things to think about, and this mission required his full attention. Very soon, Kyle would make his move and marry Allison Young and he would be stuck with another sibling. One that he didn't want. A mongrel pup who would have all the love and attention that he was deprived from.

A sadistic grin spread across his face. How many times he tried to get to Kyle and he was thwarted by his own feelings? He was not going to let that happen this time.

Kyle wanted to play family man, he would let him. And give him a powerful lesson in the process of just how cruel life could be.

* * *

 

Rachel is feeling unwell so it was up to me to lead the cheerleader squad. After the game, the team and the girls got together for a big celebration party. Marcus was there as he always is, and tells me everything. I am angry, I want to slap him, choke him.

"You said that you loved me!"

"I did, I mean I do but my parents … they said that I had to stay away from you and I didn't listen, now they are telling me that I am doing a good job and you don't understand what it is like Janey living with two people obsessed with past lives-"

"Spare me your excuses Marcus, I live with two hybrids who want nothing better than killing your kind. How could you not tell me this?"

"Because I did not want to hurt you." He yells, tears stream from his eyes. "I am sorry. We can still make it work. Fuck them, fuck my parents and fuck your brother and his wife. We can make our own path."

"And do what with it?" I ask him, my eyes flashing red. He steps back. "Hide under a bunker like my brother and Kate have done before and hope that the hybrids don't find us? I am not a coward Marcus, if that is what you and your pathetic little family wants to do, go right ahead. Me, I am staying where I belong. But thanks for making me see how John was right about your kind." I say and head back home.

Stupid! Stupid! I was so stupid for doubting John. Humanity is lost, they are nothing but meat, useless chattel.

I sink to my knees. I remember when my mom told me not to lose faith in humanity, to be strong. She traced her finger across my palm  _"A straight line"_ she told me. That is what I am doing –I tell myself. I am going on a straight line and unlike my useless father, I am not going to look back.

I am going to help John, and if necessary, if someone lays a hand on my brother and Kate, I am going to finish.

I am assaulted by another memory. My father holding me in his hands. Telling me that I am his special little girl.

I scream mentally! "Did you ever love me father? Or did you just see me as a replacement for John?"

I do not receive an answer, I never do. Jacob still insists on praying to father's useless god, but I don't because to be very honest, every time I prayed to his god, I would never get an answer.

 _'He is not more real than the gods his father prayed to'._  Everything he told me was a lie, and I knew it then. I knew it deep down that he was going to try and kill me but I didn't do anything because I was so afraid to confront the truth.

 _'John's been the only one who's ever given a damn about me and Jacob'_. He and Kate were all we had. And as odd as it sounds, they are the only people who have looked after us.

* * *

 

John glanced down on his sleeping sister. Jane had been confronted with the truth. He smirked. He knew the girl would come face to face with the ugly reality sooner or later.

And just in time. As part of the board, he and Danny were going to make history opening a new division of bio-medics that would deal with new vaccines. And congress had just passed a bill that allowed for human test subjects.

"I will look after you Jane." He told her after she opened her eyes and looked away, unable to face her brother when she was very close to crying. "No one is going to hurt you again, I promise."

"Can you see the future?" She asked him very crossly.

He chuckled, shaking his head, replying with the same tone he'd used for their father when he asked him that same question. "Nobody can see the future Janey, but I know about human nature and I made you a promise, didn't I?"

She nodded. "I thought he was the one. He said he liked me."

"People lie to get what they want, that is what they do." He told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "You and I can make things better for them, they just need someone to guide them."

"I am not sure I can do it John. I am not like you, I don't have your brains."

"Do not sell yourself short, you have a talent of making people fall in love with you."

"Well, I guess it is genetics. You are not so bad yourself for an old man."

He laughed. "You still have that sense of humor. I got you elected as class president, you have that power in yourself to make others do what you want. Use that power to make them see the light."

"And if they refuse?"

"Then they die, plain and simple. You've seen what they are capable, you can guide them, teach them, but they will never listen unless you use an iron fist. That is how children learn and humanity is still in its baby steps."

"If only it were that easy with Jacob." She said with a dry laugh.

"You shouldn't have been so tough on him. He is just a kid and like you, he has to learn the hard way."

"Jacob is an idiot."

"You don't believe that. There will come a time when all of us will have to unite against our enemies, and if you want Jacob to be strong, you must help him and stop teasing him. He will learn on his own." John promised, speaking from experience.

Jane didn't say much after that and John left her room for the living room where Kate was with his younger brother. There is so much of her that reminds him of the life he had before he was turned. All their dreams and hopes. The things that kept them united throughout all the chaos and madness. And it is this that makes him smile, a genuine smile as he watched them interact.


End file.
